Where the Hell Was I? blog: Original humor & comedy articles daily weblog

When I Say 'Made It Big', I Mean BIG

Well, folks, it seems that I've finally made it big.

Yes, that's right. See, the hits, and comments, and being listed in various directories -- all of that is nice, but it's really no indication that I'm making an impact. A difference. It doesn't prove that the world has sat up and finally paid attention.

But now -- now! -- I can see that I've arrived. I've crossed the threshold into true significance, all of the things that my parents and teachers and various law enforcement officers have said to the contrary be damned. I've made it, dammit, and it feels good.

Wanna know how I know? What indicator I was able to use to determine that I'm know one of the glitterati, if only in my own mind? Well, it's simple, really:

Random douchebags have started trying to peddle pills via comments in my archives.

O, frabjous day! I'll walk with a bouncier step and a chin held higher from now on, because somewhere, out there, some chowderheaded assmagnet believes that leaving comments on my site might just bring him a few extra orders for those penis pills he's peddling. I only wish I'd prepared a speech. *sniff*

Now, so far, it's only one rimjob sprinkling his pharmashiticals in my comments.

(Did that all run together? Sorry about that. Try this: pharma-shit-icals. See, when you sound it out, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?)

Anyway, there's only one wankmonkey at the moment, but more will come. Oh, yes -- they most definitely will come. And soon, it'll be an intolerable nuisance, and I'll curse the day that each and every one of their mothers lured their milkmen into their kitchens and did the 'two percent hokey pokey' on their kitchen tables. But for now, when I can easily delete the offending drivel with a simple click before anyone else see it, it's actually not so bad. A little flattering, even.

(Now, don't you wish you could ashcan 'offending drivel' at the push of a mouse button? Yeah, not me. This site would be pretty fricking barren if you people had access to the button. Maybe there's a post or two about my dog that'd slip through, but that's about it. These pill-pushing peenie-boppers would have no archives left to post in, that's for damned sure.)

Anyway, finding (and deleting) that cluetard's comments really made my day, and so I wanted to share it with you. And please, if these diddledicks get bolder and start leaving their slime on more recent posts, don't click on their links. We don't want to encourage the motherhumpin' little bastards, now, do we? And if it gets to be a problem, I'll implement a blacklist or a filter of some kind, and shut 'em out as best I can.

In the meantime, though, if you should happen upon one of their comments, just smile a little smile for me, and give me a thumbs-up through your monitor. Those crappy ads may be underhanded, and misleading, and annoying as hell, but each time I zap one of the things into electronic oblivion, the air is charged with the sweet, sweet smell of success. Ahhh. Like a mountain spring, it is.

Comments

Posted by: Andy | April 1, 2004 11:35 AM

Posted by: tj | April 1, 2004 01:34 PM

Posted by: croila | April 1, 2004 03:44 PM

Posted by: Brenda | April 1, 2004 07:55 PM

Posted by: Monkey | April 4, 2004 07:03 PM