Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

#65. I once peed on the exact geographical center of the state of Kentucky.

Okay, I should probably explain a few of the words in that sentence, because I'm using some of them in ways that you might not be used to.

For instance, when I say 'I', what I really mean is 'several of us'. It was a group thing, and there were maybe three or four of us guys involved. We didn't go at exactly the same time, though. That's crazy talk. We each took our turn, while the others stood guard. We watched Ghostbusters, after all. You can't risk crossing the streams.

Also, when I say 'peed', I mean really peed. There was alcohol involved, and walking, and I really, really, really had to go. And so I went, and went, and went. I must've dropped three pounds of recycled beer on that spot. I can still remember the 'Ahhhhhh' that followed. Priceless.

Oh, and when I say 'exact geographical center', I mean that, too. Our college campus was built on the officially-surveyed precise center of the state, and there was a small marker, maybe two inches square, to mark the exact location. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and claim that every single drop coming out of me landed on the marker. But I got pretty good coverage, and I pissed more on it than I pissed around it. Before you allow for splashage, at least.

Further, when I say 'once', what I really mean is 'several dozen times'. Like I said, it was right on campus, and on the way from the boys' dorms to the girls' dorms. There were a lot of moonless or cloudy nights when several of us guys, beery and bleary, made the stumble in one direction or the other. And when you gotta go, you gotta go. Besides, pissing on an official marker of anything could never get old. That's pure entertainment, in any language.

Oh, yeah, one more thing. When I say 'state', what I'm really saying is 'flea-ridden hellbag'. Though the locals would prefer I meant 'Commonwealth', instead. That is all. Anything left that you don't understand is now officially your own damned problem.

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Full Archive

Archive by Date

Archive by Category

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved