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Charlie Hatton
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#1. I currently own one pet, and it's a pit bull named Susie.

Okay, technically, she's an American Staffordshire Terrier. At least, that's what the sign over her kennel at the pound said when my wife and I adopted her. (Personally, I think they just weren't allowed to say 'Vicious Man-Eating Pit Bull', so they improvised.) Anyway, she looks like a pit bull, with a square head and big jaws -- she's just shrunken a little, down to collie-size or so.

Oh, and the 'vicious' and 'man-eating' thing? No. Decidedly not. She's 'fly-eating', and 'kibble-eating', and she used to be 'poop-eating', until we shamed it out of her, but 'man-eating'? Not unless the man is made of Snausages, with Pupperonis for hair and Purina brand sneakers. She loves people, and apparently not just because we taste like chicken. Our Susie is many things to many people, but one thing that she is not is 'vicious'. Another thing she is not, coincidentally enough, is a 'guard dog'. I think if a burglar set her up with a nice rawhide chew, she'd hold the bag open for him and point out our valuables. Assuming we ever accumulate any that she can't chew all to hell, that is. Damned two-timing dog...

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