Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« Road Trip to the Evil Empire | Main | Goofball at the Garage »

Once Upon a Commute Dreary

And now, a poetic interlude. This bit o' verse is entitled, 'Grandma in a Shitbox Ford'.

Don't anyone say I never classed the place up with some culture and shit, yo.

Grandma in a Shitbox Ford

'Twas a summer morning in my 'hood,
When I set off for work, as well I should.
With no warning of what lay ahead,
I put pavement twixt my ass and bed.

"Two miles passed by without a hitch;
That's when I first espied the bitch."

I ventured forth in my trusty car;
Twelve miles to work -- not so very far.
And no clues to what I'd've soon endured --
The grandma in the shitbox Ford.

I made my way from the garage,
Without vehicular entourage;
The streets, it seemed, were mine alone;
My deluxe private driving zone.

But soon I'd change my carefree tune,
When stuck behind a senile loon.
She'd sour my mood, rest assured --
That grandma in the shitbox Ford.

I zipped unscathed through traffic lights,
Toward the highway, and full speeding rights.
Past the onramp, and the toll booth tower,
Then through at ninety miles an hour.

Two miles passed by without a hitch;
That's when I first espied the bitch.
Inching as though the car were moored --
That grandma and her shitbox Ford.

She occupied the far left lane,
Clogging traffic like a hairy drain.
From ninety, I slowed down to ten,
Checked my speed, and braked again.

My consternation wouldn't soon abate;
She'd neither move her ass, nor accelerate;
She well earned my 'Masshole' award;
Wrinkly grandma, rusty Ford.

Eight miles in, my exit loomed.
In the 'slow car' lane, the traffic zoomed.
But as I saw the chance to make my swerve,
The old lady slowed for a gentle curve.

My blinker on, I eyed the ramp.
With back asweat, and forehead damp.
But my slot was filled by a rogue Accord,
Thanks to grandma and her shitbox Ford.

I righted my ship with a sudden twist,
Though now I found my exit missed;
And miles before a roundabout,
Where I might sort my destination out.

Still, our biddy blocked my path,
Pissing off and incurring wrath.
For fifteen painful minutes more
I followed grandma in her shitbox Ford.

Finally, I wriggled free,
Outracing a Beemer Series 3;
And made my way to work, irate --
Fuming, and an hour late.

I honked to show my great displeasure;
The crone's response was a special treasure.
As I passed her by, I was gestured toward;
Flipped off by granny, from her shitbox Ford.

She crept away as I gaped, amazed,
With her dander up, and finger raised.
I don't know where she found the verve,
But that old bitch sure had some nerve.

I smiled as I made my offramp 'u-ie';
Though I wished her car would go kabloo-ie.
I found a nemesis, out of her gourd,
That spritely old hag, and her shitbox Ford.

God bless ya, Granny! Now get off the goddamned road!!

Permalink | Comments (2)

, ,


Bravo, Charlie dearest! Bravo!

Jason and I both enjoyed that!

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved