Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

#93. I'm allergic to cats and rabbits, and probably certain other furry critters.

So, the cat thing isn't too bad. Mainly, it's just another excuse to say that dogs are better, anyway. I can be around many cats without even a sniffle. Unless they scratch me, of course -- then I'll cry like a baby. Big poopy-headed cats, anyway.

But every once in a while, I'll have a weird reaction. Like if I pet a cat, and then forget and rub my eyes. That's always a good one; it's happened two or three times now. Usually, it'll happen at night -- being around cats can make my eyes itch, anyway, and if it's already late, then I'm just that much more likely to get in there with the ol' fingers and *squeak squeak squeak* away at my eyeballs.

The problem comes when I wake up, of course. Whatever histamine cooties I get from the cat and jam into my eye have some sort of sleepover party, and when I get out of bed, my eye is overflowing. Literally, it gets all misshapen and bulgy and looks like it's gonna fall right out of the socket. It's friggin' gross. Not to mention scary as hell, the first time it happened. I mean, have you ever woken up with part of your eye outside your eyelid, and drooping all down your cheek? I hope to hell not! After a few hours, it goes away, which is cool. And in the meantime, I can run around scaring children. Usually I tell them that this is what really happens when you eat your carrots. Or that my eye got hurt in a terrible tooth-brushing accident. It's all about helping the parents, folks.

Anyway, then there's rabbits. I didn't actually know I was allergic to rabbits until I was working in a lab doing experiments with them.

(Yes, we used Little Bunny Foo Foo and Thumper for experiments. It happens. But there's not as cute as you probably think. Little lop-eared poopin' machines, that's what they are, ya know. Eat 'n' poop and eat 'n' poop. It sounds like a pretty good life, actually, but it's hardly endearing, now, is it?)

In any case, the first time I had to handle one of the critters, I found that I could barely breathe. These were long-haired bushy bunnies, and the air was thick with fur and dander. But mostly dander, I suspect. Damned dander... Anyway, I sat out for a while until I could get air into my lungs, and then carried on. But I always had problems down in 'Bunny Central' (or the 'Rabbit Room', whichever you like better). And I think they knew; they were out to get me, just because I injected them with stuff and sacrificed them in the name of science. I swear they fluffed up and spewed dander when I went in there, trying to choke me before I could get to them. 'Defenseless bunnies', indeed. Bah.

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Full Archive

Archive by Date

Archive by Category

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved