Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

Zolton's Facebook Follies: Mostly Greek to Me

I originally wrote this piece for, for use on the late, great comedy site Text and images published here with permission.

We owe a lot to the Greeks. As a nation and a culture, the Greeks have provided the very basis for our current Western civilization. After all, what would modern life be without democracy and philosophy and Telly Savalas and salads with crumbly cheese and statues of naked people with uncovered wangs?

Not the same, I tell you. Not the same at all.

But did the Greeks stop there? Oh, no. By Zeus' static-clinging pubes, they did not. They gave us an entire alphabet, so that we could communicate with each other. Presumably to talk about how nice Athens is this time of year, or how bland tasteless yogurt is better for some reason.

Of course, we don't use the Greek alphabet any more. We gave most of the letters to rowdy fraternity kids, who probably use them to pry lids off of beer bottles when there's no opener handy. The rest, we left to the math and physics teachers -- the better to punish those hungover frat boys for their bacchanalian blowouts.

Still, there are a few companies who still go "old sigma-kappa-omega-omega-lambda" and use the letters of the ancients. This being Greek Week on Zug, I decided to pay them a visit. Read on for the results and my actual Facebook posts on these Hellenophiles' FB walls. Which are no doubt adorned with Ionic columns, and connected via aqueducts.

Because that's Greek stuff. Yeah. You see what I did there.

Naturally, I started with alpha. I was looking for a good cleanse, but had to settle for some old cream filling:


Undeterred, I set off in search of clarification about my dog's diet. Evidently, the Greek crowd have forgotten about semantics -- which they probably freaking invented, too:


Moving along through the Greekabet, I asked whether Delta (Delta Delta!) could find a way to help mah help mah help mah! Their response was as dry as their damnable spigot:

Delta Faucet

I've been told that the end of all things is the Omega. But no! I stumbled onto something called the Omega Plus! Only, I don't seem to qualify, because I'm not currently wandering around Southeast Asia:

Nestle OmegaPlus

So were these Greek-lettered companies as helpful as their ancient inspirations? Hardly. Going Greek doesn't get you as far as it used to, I guess. Maybe they're all busy taking their economy -- which they invented -- and flushing it down the toilet. Which they also invented, probably.

Pull it together, Greekers. Seriously, people. Omega. Mu. Gamma.

Last week, Zolton snuggled up next to Pillsbury, TempurPedic, Downy and Cottonelle. Want to join in the prank? Click the links to see each real-life Facebook post, and comment or 'Like' them to generate more buzz. Or visit Zolton's own Facebook page!

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Full Archive

Archive by Date

Archive by Category

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved