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Zolton's Facebook Pranks on State Pride

I originally wrote this piece for MediaShower.com, for use on the late, great comedy site ZuG.com. Text and images published here with permission.

As we careen toward the upcoming U.S. election, the barkers on both sides of the aisle get louder and angrier and frothing-at-the-mouther. One common refrain from the politicians -- half of them, anyway -- is "let the states handle it". Don't get the feds involved; make the locals figure things out for themselves.

Now, I don't know squat about politics. I still think a filibuster is a guy who breaks female horses, and a straw poll is something scarecrow strippers use. But all this talk about the states making important decisions got me wondering: can they even do it? Are the U.S. states actually good at anything?

I decided to find out, and sampled some of the most popular products endorsed by, grown in or affiliated with individual states. Read on for my 'yeas' and 'nays' -- and my actual posts on the companies' Facebook walls.

So am I convinced now the states can fend for themselves? Color me undecided. Outside of Hawaii Five-O, some of these guys have a long way to go.

Idaho Potatoes

The post:

California Milk

The post:

Clearly, they were moooooved by my situation.

Florida Orange Juice

The post:

Wisconsin Cheese

The post:

Last week, Zolton was a weenie to Johnsonville, Jimmy Dean, Hebrew National and Boca Burger. Want to join in the prank? Click the links to see each real-life Facebook post, and comment or 'Like' them to generate more buzz. Or visit Zolton's own Facebook page!