Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« Diary of a Disneyworld Mickey | Main | Questionable Questions »

Live Nude Gorls!

I'm always amused by the search terms that bring folks to this site. Certainly, I've laid down some odd combinations of verbiage and colorful turns of phrase, to put it kindly. Many people legitimately searching for all sorts of useful things have made accidental 'pit stops' here, before moving on to find what they were looking for.

Then, there are the pervs.

"When the majority of your waking hours are spent tracking down 'Katie Couric butt shots' and 'Bea Arthur nip slips', there's apparently little time left for brushing up on your English homework."

Those are my own fault, really. Those 'colorful' phrases and sometimes 'salty' language lead to all sorts of misunderstandings between internet search engines and the horny fourteen-year-old boys they're apparently meant to serve. Also, I did this, which didn't help. And this. And, lord help me, this.

(Look, it was my first week writing. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, okay?

Not like, say... now. At least if I wrote that today, I'd improve the punctuation.)

Anyway, let's just agree that any site with an entire category devoted to "Potty Talk" is likely to attract a few patrons from the seedier side of the interweb.

What amazes me is how few of the horndogs have learned to spell.

I suppose it's understandable. When the majority of your waking hours are spent tracking down 'Katie Couric butt shots' and 'Bea Arthur nip slips', there's apparently little time left for brushing up on your English homework.

(Oh, you laugh now. But within a week, some poor misguided twerp is going to come here looking for 'Bea Arthur nip slips'. One week. Guaranteed.)

I've already discussed the most popular pervy malapropism around here:

'penal implants'

That's in the logs at least once a day. I imagine these are the same people suffering from 'e-rectal dysfunction' and 'premature edumacation'. They should probably find a better dickshunary.

But there are others. Whether true misspellings, misunderstandings, or typos caused by having only one hand free with which to type, these not-quite-right search terms are everywhere. And since I'm here to help -- and to make fun of jerks -- I'll explain to the horndogs who will inevitably find this page later on where they're going wrong.

With regards to spelling only, of course. I'm not touching the rest of that train wreck. Let's get to the search terms:

'hot stroppers' -- I've never really thought of my barber in that way before. But come to think of it, he's pretty handy with those pinking shears. And the man gives good neck shave. Oh, baby.

'porno monkey shots' -- I'm only assuming this is a typo, because I've never heard of any porn movies titled 'Bobo Does Boston' or 'Bi-Curious George'. But maybe I'm just leading a sheltered life.

'mail member pictures' -- A request for weenie shots, or for photos of unionized letter carriers? You make the call!

'sadie massichism' -- 'Well hello, and what's your name? Sadie? How pretty! And your last name? Oh. Oh, my. How unfortunate for you. Dear me.'

'big dill does' -- I'm not sure I get it. A big pickle does what? Or are you referring to large sour female deer? Because the pickle seems hotter, somehow.

'leather fetas' -- Personally, I like my cheese with crackers, or maybe on a nice Greek salad. But sure, a bit of nicely prepared cow skin could probably work, too.

'nipple slops' -- This one pretty much speaks for itself. But now I can't get the image of a Bea Arthur breastfeeding mishap out of my head. That's gonna leave a mark.

You know, maybe I was wrong. Maybe there aren't a gaggle of fumble-fingered heavy breathers out there at all. Maybe it's just a bunch of folks legitimately searching for sexy barbers, dirty chimps, mailman snaps, some poor girl named Sadie, huge pickles, Greek cheese recipes, and info on messy breastfeeding techniques.

Now I can't decide whether I should be more frightened, or less. Eep.

Permalink | Comments (2)

, ,


I never arrived here after a fruitless search for nude girls.

I was after catering tips for a Boy Scouts Jamboree.

I got hooked after reading a feed on someone elses blog and been hooked ever since.

Now I could suggest some Merkins with their own brand of Malaprops who may have found there way here by accident, but in the sake of international relations, I'll just shut up now.

hee hee! that's my friend simon! he did it, he did it! he finally linked his url! whoo hoo! you HAVE to read his blogs!

how sad am i?


Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved