Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« Call the Rattler Roto-Rooter | Main | Monday Meeting Misfortunes »

The Kook Catches a Cold

Before the yuks comes the baseball. You fans of Bugs & Cranks head on over to see the latest on the Braves:

The Lazy Fat Man's Response: TiVo Blogging -- When live-blogging the first ESPN game of the season is just too damned taxing.

Now, onward and upward.

This morning, I felt a cold coming on. When I woke up, I had a sore throat, I was tired, grumpy, achy, and didn't feel like getting out of bed.

So, pretty much like every other day -- plus a sore throat. The humanity.

"The only one around to hear bitching at that time of day is the dog, and she clearly doesn't give a damn about my problems. I suppose if I ate nothing but horsemeat and could lick my own crotch, I wouldn't, either."

But did I complain? No. I'm a trooper. Besides, grousing wouldn't do any good. The only one around to hear bitching at that time of day is the dog, and she clearly doesn't give a damn about my problems. I suppose if I ate nothing but horsemeat and could lick my own crotch, I wouldn't, either.

Still, none of that helps with my impending illness. So I'm taking precautions to nip this bug in the bud. First, I took a long, hot, relaxing shower. Then I went back to bed for a little nap. You don't want to overexert yourself when you're coming down with something. Eventually I got back up, put some pants on, and drove to work. Slowly, and moaning softly from time to time, just for effect.

When I got to the office, it was nearly lunchtime, so I asked the secretary to order me some Chinese food. I figured MSG kills anything, and I didn't want to contaminate my phone receiver by calling myself. I was certain our office girl would understand.

She told me to go screw myself.

So I waited until the guy in the next cube over went to lunch, used his phone to order, and had a hot box of moo goo germ poison delivered to the front door.

(And while the secretary was on a coffee break, I raided her desk and licked all her pens. Who's run down and congested now, bitch?)

For the rest of the workday, I made sure to get plenty of rest -- just like the doctor ordered. I had lunch, then a quick doze at the desk, a nice cup of hot tea from the break room, a mid-afternoon power nap in the far bathroom stall, and it was time to go home. The corporate rat race can be so draining, but I managed to soldier through.

And now I'm back at home, wrapped up in a nice shawl on the couch. I changed into a nice comfy pair of sweats, and I'm about to get down to the next step in my road to recovery -- lots and lots of alcohol. If the half-case of Guinness in my fridge can't kill these nasties, then I don't know what will. But if I think of something, I'll ask my wife to run out and get it for me. I'm certain she'll understand.

And if not, she's getting her toothbrush licked. I don't play around when it comes to good health. Happy weekend, all.

Permalink | Comments (1)

, ,


Steadfast, to the end.

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved