Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
Site Search:
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

« A Baseball Triple Play | Main | Somewhere Between Hollywood and Handycams »

The Keys to My Job

If there's anything I hate worse than blindly stumbling like an idiot into some embarrassing and unfortunate situation, it's stumbling like an idiot into something stupid when I can clearly see it coming. That's just about where I am right now. I'm standing on the railroad tracks. I'm watching the train barrel towards me. And I don't seem too interested in getting the hell out of the way. Chugga chugga chug.

Here's the deal. My job has changed a bit recently, with me shuttling back and forth between two offices. In two different buildings. Roughly three miles apart. So it's to my advantage to be able to work pretty much anywhere -- on the road, on the go, even on the john.

No. Especially on the john. Some of my best project notes have been written on two-ply Charmin. If I could keep my legs from falling asleep, I'd start having status meetings in there, too. The afternoon ones, anyway.

"To maintain my maximum mobility, I've reconfigured my laptop computer as a lean, mean, high-powered instrument of getting shit accomplished."

To maintain my maximum mobility, I've reconfigured my laptop computer as a lean, mean, high-powered instrument of getting shit accomplished. All the frivolous, time-wasting games -- gone. The file-sharing gizmos -- deleted. The piles and piles of softcore women's billiard league pinup pics -- wiped clean. All that's left is a light, sweet LINUX base, a few rich and creamy development tools as frosting, and an a la mode of cold, delicious intranet applications.

Well, those and the forty-seven gigs of obscure 80s band MP3s. I call those 'sprinkles'.

The point is, I'm carrying my laptop around a lot more lately. And I'm whipping it out in a lot of strange places, which I sometimes need to vacate for a while -- to get lunch, say, or attend a meeting. Or find more Charmin. So when that happens, I need a safe place to stash the machine, so some jackhole doesn't swoop in behind me and steal it. That means locking it up in a desk drawer. And taking the key with me.

Therein lies the problem.

These aren't my keys, so they're not on my keyring. But they're shiny, and pretty, and fun to play with. So instead of dropping them in my pocket, I jingle them and toss them in the air and twiddle them around my finger. Which means, sooner or later, I'm going to lose them.

It's inevitable, really. I'll fumble them down a sewer or accidentally fling them into a moving convertible, and they'll be gone. And I'll be left standing there, keyless, with my laptop computer in a perfectly safe, secure, intruder-repellant location that I have no way to access myself.

It's going to happen. I know it's coming. I can even see the look that'll be on my face -- the horror, the disgust, the anger. And that sneery, awful glimmer of 'I told me so!' from the part of my brain that knows better, and is regularly and soundly ignored. The train is a-comin'. All aboard the Assbag Express.

I guess it's better than having the stupid computer stolen. But I'm not at all looking forward to walking into my boss' office and explaining why I can't finish my project. Or reply to his emails. Or play him any more Oingo Boingo tunes. Damn, am I going to be in trouble. Sometimes I think 'Dead Man's Party' is the only reason he keeps me around, as it is. Ouch.





Permalink | Comments (0)


, ,



Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks


Me on Apartments:
  Author Page


Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved