Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
Site Search:
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

« I've Gotta Go Where? And Talk to Who? Wearing What?! | Main | April Foolishness... in Stereo, Even »

I Don't Remember Getting 'Say Bizarre Shit to Me' Tattooed on My Forehead

I've had some strange conversations with people recently.

Come to think of it, I have strange conversations with people pretty much all the time. That might lead some people to think it's me bringing the strangeness to the table. I choose to believe that I'm perfectly normal. It's just that strange, unbalanced people inexplicably gravitate to me. That's my theory. Shaddup.

In any case, it's not those kinds of 'weird' conversations that I'm talking about. Lately, people are randomly giving me strange advice. Or insulting me in odd, subtle ways -- I'm not sure which, honestly. I'm not that bright, after all. It wouldn't even have to be that subtle; I probably wouldn't catch it. Anything short of a bitchslap and flipping me a big fat bird and it's likely going to be over my head. But I digress.

Anyway, I'll give you a couple of examples. The other day, I was having headshots made. You've got to send some sort of mug shot thingy to people who might want to give you standup jobs, so I made an appointment with a photographer. I went to this guy's house, and went down in his basement, and he took pictures of me.

(No, no, folks -- it wasn't nearly as creepy as it sounds. He put on some music. We chatted. It was all very tasteful. Really.)

So. That got a little uncomfortable, eh? Maybe I am the one making all my conversations strange, after all. Dammit. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I wasn't responsible for what the photographer guy said about halfway through:

'You know, you've got a great face for this. I'm not sure that's good in other walks of life, but it's really great for headshots.'

So what does that mean, exactly? My face is funny? Versatile? Squishy? What?

And then -- then there was the comic I was talking to before a show the other night. The week before, we'd been at another show, and grabbed dinner with some other folks afterward. So we all chatted and talked and joked -- and baby, you want to talk about strange conversations... try spending an evening with three or four off-duty comics. Jesus. Have your therapist on the speed dial for that one, you know what I'm saying?

Anyway, when I saw the guy again, we traded greetings and talked for a bit. And then, just before I went onstage, he hit me with this little nugget:

'You know the thing about you -- you're really funny in conversation.'

Um... thanks? Or is there an unspoken 'but on stage -- not so much' in there? Should I have said, 'Well, you should see me in bed -- hiyoooooh!', just to prove him wrong? Color me nonplussed.

Finally, there's the little snippet of conversation I had with the guy at the convenience store near my office. He and I have chatted before... sort of. See, he's a genuinely nice guy, as far as I can tell, but English is decidedly not his first language, and he has a fairly strong accent. So we have a lot of half-banter -- either he doesn't understand me, or I don't quite hear him... we're all about 'uh... sure', and 'oh, um... you, too' and 'about six inches -- why the hell would you ask that?' Sort of a communication gap, if you catch my drift.

But I'm pretty sure it wasn't a language issue that made the conversation I had with him the other day so perplexing:

Me: Hey, how you doing? Just the soda today, please.
Him: Hi, there -- will do. Say... you don't have kids, do you?
Me: Um... no. No, I don't.
Him: Oh. So you're not married, right?
Me: Well... actually, I am. For several years.
Him: Ah! But no kids?
Me: Er, no. Not so much.
Him: Oh. So you're trying, right?
Me: Wuh... that's not really... I mean, well -- no. No, we're not.
Him: Ah, you're busy. Concentrating on work for now. Very good!
Me: Oooo-kay...
Him: You'll be ready for babies soon, I'm sure!
Me: Riiiiiiight. Okay, then. I'll just be leaving now. With my soda. And no kids. See you tomorrow, then. Bye bye, now.

Who knows -- maybe I look like I need a kid, or something. Lord knows I'm not responsible enough as it is, but does it really show that badly? Or is the guy just randomly -- and creepily -- propogating the age-old notion of 'marriage, then kids, then... what? Death?' I'm not sure it has to go in that order -- and I really didn't expect it to come up in my friendly local convenience store. It's not like I was walking out of there with a bottle of Spanish fly and a tote bag full of condoms. I just wanted a fricking soda, like I do almost every day in that place -- how did I manage to push his buttons with that?

Yeah, I've decided -- it's all the people I know who are weird. I say some silly shit, but I would never start conversations like any of those. What the hell is going on around here, anyway?





Permalink | Comments (5)






Comments

While I cannot really speculate on the first two...

The third one, maybe in his culture it is what married people do, have children? I doubt it was personal.

Now, the odd conversation thing, since YOU are the common element....

Is he mexican? 'Cause being mexican, kids are THE thing. Like, if you're not having kids, don't even bother getting married. Well, in some social circles anyway. Not everywhere. Damn, I had a point in there somewhere. Cultural differences and whatnot. You know what I mean.

I think it's because you have a good headshot face and are funny in conversation. Those qualities seem to elicit questions about procreation, dontchya think?

Well, good thing you have ME to talk to for normalacy. ;)

hmm...maybe you should have those kids...then you'll really have strange people gravitating to you...and the whacked out conversations will occur approximately every other hour...but at least they won't be asking you if you're trying...that's the last thing they wanna know!

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-14 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks


Me on Apartments:
  Author Page


Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (66)
A Doofus Is Me (200)
Articles 'n' Zines (73)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (172)
Bits About Blogging (165)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (59)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (266)
Foodstuff Fluff (114)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (86)
Just Life (235)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (56)
Marketing Weenies (65)
Married and a Moron (183)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (100)
Tales from the Stage (72)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (78)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (127)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (70)
Whither the Weather (38)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (45)
Wide World o' Sports (123)
Work, Work, Work (203)

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-14 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved