Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
Site Search:
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

« The Little Ingenuities That Could | Main | It's the Little Things That Kill »

Get My Hearing Aid, Ma -- The Band's A-Playing!

The latest sign that I'm advancing in age is upon me.

Tonight, I'm going to see Pearl Jam in concert downtown at the Bahstan Gahden. I've seen Eddie Vedder and the boys live a couple of times before, but it's been years. And therein lies the evidence of my oldness.

In years past -- we're talking last millennium at this point, kiddies -- my preparations for a concert were both thorough and exhaustive. Weeks before the date, I'd buy the band's latest CD, and maybe older discs as well.

(And yes, I can hear you back there in the peanut gallery:

'Did they even have CDs back then, grandpa? Tell us again about the good old days, and how you used the pterodactyl to listen to your vinyl records.'

Jackass.)

"The best-laid plans of mice and men are often wrecked by a pre-concert game of Asshole and a bottle of Jagermeister in the trunk."

I'd listen to the music morning, noon, and night. By the time the concert rolled around, I'd have every song committed to memory, word for word and riff for riff. That way, I could recognize an obscure album track from the very first note, and properly enjoy it from the beginning. I'd know when the band was ad-libbing, or if the guitarist decided to freestyle through a solo. All the borderline-compulsive repetitive listening to the band's music afforded me an appreciation of the concert that few save the most dedicated long-time fans could match.

Theoretically, anyway. In reality, we ended up tailgating before most shows, so I'd end up passed out in the parking lot, dangling upside-down and pantsless in some stranger's sunroof. The best-laid plans of mice and men are often wrecked by a pre-concert game of Asshole and a bottle of Jagermeister in the trunk.

At any rate, things are a little different these days. I didn't immediately rush out for the new Pearl Jam CD when we got the tickets; in fact, I was a bit surprised when the disc showed up on my desk at home over the weekend.

(My wife bought it, because she's cool like that. One of us has to keep tradition alive, she says. And it's pretty much a given that it's her job now, what with my one foot already in the grave and all. Clearly, I'm too old and decrepit for that sort of thing. Sometimes being the old man in the relationship has its priveleges.)

So, did we make the best of things and wear that CD out this week? Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you? Here's what really happened:

Saturday: The CD shows up. The missus mentions she bought it. I tell her she's 'a real peach'. Apparently, I was born in the early 1800s.

Sunday: I've got a softball game. (It's the quintessential decrepit old man sport.) The CD remains untouched.

Monday: It's Monday. Who's got the energy to try new things? Meh. The CD sits.

Tuesday: Sensing that the concert may be nearing, I unwrap the CD in the morning before work. At some point, senility kicks in, and I forget about it for the rest of the day.

Wednesday: I manage to remember to put the CD in the car, and listen to the first five songs on the way to work. Could I name a song I heard, or even hum the tune? Um... wait, there was something about a guy, who did the thing, and then a 'dum badda de dum' kind of beat, and... no. I have no idea. The CD's got an avacado on the front; do I get any points for that?

Clearly, I've failed in my preparations. Which means now I'm going to be 'that guy' -- the crusty old fart at every concert who doesn't know any of the new shit, and remembers when 'these guys were so much better back in the day', and 'since when did they get a new drummer? 1998? Oh.', and 'can't you whippersnappers pull up your damned pants?' and 'who in the world is smoking pot in here?!?'.

I suppose I'm stuck with my impending Alzheimer's and liver spots, so I might as well embrace it. I'll be happy tonight, so long as the band gives a nod to the songs I remember from albums past -- just a sprinking of Jeremy, Evenflow, Daughter, Better Man, Glorified G, and... um, you know, that other song. The one about the woman by the counter. At the shop, in the town, or something. Maybe it's a 7-11? I don't know.

Oh, just shoot me now. It's bad enough I'm too old to keep up with the new music, but now it's been so long, I can't remember the old shit, either. Soon, all I'll have left is nursery rhymes and Lawrence Welk. And YOU KIDS GIT OFFA MY LAWN! Meh.





Permalink | Comments (0)


,



Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks


Me on Apartments:
  Author Page


Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved