Tomorrow, I set off on my annual trek to visit family over the holidays. The missus and I will leave behind the gray and frigid Northeast to travel to the somewhat grayer and only slightly less frigid Midwest / Mid-Atlantic / Near South.
(It's not such an easy region to define, really. Plus, we rent a car and drive a couple of hours from family to family while we're there, which complicates classification further. What the place is called mostly depends on who you're asking.
And many of the names aren't so polite as the ones above. Trust me. I've used a few of them myself.)
None of this migrational madness has much to do with this version of the Weekend Werind, other than the fact that it happens over the holidays. Since we're using these weekend posts to take a peek back into the archives, I thought I'd pick out a post from each of the past holiday seasons to highlight. Five years, five posts. I knew that big old archive of drivel would be good for something. Have a yuletidetime look:
From December 27th, 2003: Let's Just Say She Didn't 'Hang It By My Chimney WIth Care', All Right?
Selected teaser tidbit: "You can suck a reindeer turd, you grudge-holding overstuffed elf."
From December 19th, 2004: 'Christmas Cheer', Charlie-Style
Selected teaser tidbit: "Now gimme some of them 'taters, bitch. Taters! Now!!"
From December 31st, 2005: 'Tis the Listing Season
Selected teaser tidbit: "At no time while your spouse or significant other is modeling new Christmas clothes should the word 'Sta-Puft' come out of your mouth."
From December 8th, 2006: Nutcracked
Selected teaser tidbit: "Why, I was just saying the other day how I haven't seen my quota of plum-smuggling tiptoers for the year."
From 2007: A Cold Affront Moving In
Selected teaser tidbit: "Well. It's a lot less than four-to-six now."
That ought to tide you over for a while. I'll be traveling with a computer -- like I always say, 'keep your friends close, and your laptop closer' -- so I hope to be on my usual weekday writing schedule next week. But just in case I'm not:
Have a happy whatever-the-hell-you-celebrate on whichever-the-hell-day-you-celebrate-it with whoever-the-hell-you-share-your-celebration-with. Or whichever-the-hell-other-drunken-heathens-show-up-at-the-bar.
That ought to cover everybody. And if you happen to show up at my drunken heathen bar, I'll even buy you a drink. Something in a nog, perhaps. Happy holidays, kids.