Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« The 'Magic' of the Microwave | Main | The Unbalanced Breakfast »

Snowbound and Down

I learned something new today.

I learned that there are few situations that can make me feel as helpless as waiting for AAA to come winch my car out of a snowbank.

In a parking lot, roughly three feet from where I'd been parked all weekend. In front of a locked 'beer chalet, to which I no longer had a key.

"The only way it could have been worse is if there'd been hungry wolves surrounding the car when I got out to shovel, and I'd worn my 'Bacon Drippings and Fear' cologne."

It wasn't a great time. The only way it could have been worse is if there'd been hungry wolves surrounding the car when I got out to shovel, and I'd worn my 'Bacon Drippings and Fear' cologne.

It just happened this morning that we were the last guests to leave the weekend spot, and that we were in just the right parking spot at the edge of the lot to slip sideways over the lip when we tried to back out. And once we were there -- with one tire ass-deep in snow and another spinning helplessly on ice -- there was no getting out. Not without a gentle yank from a tow truck, anyway. The missus and I both tried our hand; no luck getting out, and our efforts only pushed further diagonally off the lot and nose-down toward a snow-covered ravine.

(And we've read those Donner party stories. No way were we ending up down there and gnawing each others' legs off for lunch. That's no picnic. And anyway, we only had white wine with us in the trunk. We'd never pair that with tough, gamey human.

We might be cannibals out of necessity someday, but that doesn't mean we're uncivilized.)

So we called for a tow, three minutes (and three feet) into our trip home. Not exactly the speedy start we were looking for, but it couldn't be helped. So we sat in the car -- couldn't get back in the house, and it was too cold to stand outside -- and waited.

And waited. And waited. It took a little over an hour for the tow truck to get around to us -- sadly, it appears that we were not the only damned fool drivers in ski country today -- but it felt like days just sitting in the car going nowhere at all. There are only so many snowflakes you can watch crash against the windshield before asking, again:

'Is it time yet?'

And getting the answer, again: 'It's only been two minutes since the last time you asked. Shut up already. And quit chewing on my leg, damn you.'

Eventually, the wrecker arrived, maneuvered into position and winched us out of the snow. It took all of thirty seconds to undo our mess, which we'd had to sit in for over an hour, and think about what we'd done.

So it could have been worse, but it was not the ideal start to our four-hour afternoon trek that lay ahead. If only they'd taught some sort of 72-point shimmy-rev-rock-turn on our driving tests, maybe we'd have been equipped to get ourselves out. As it was, we were at the mercy of 'Bob' the tow guy and his prodigious plumbers' crack to get us back on the road.

(They both said 'hi' and smiled at us. Which was about as unsettling as you might expect from a crack, and the man who lives above it.)

Fortunately, it didn't take long to unstick us, and we were on our way. But the next time I dig the car into a wall of the white stuff, and it won't respond to any amount of digging, pushing or finagling I can muster, I'm just going to leave it there. It'll probably be faster to just walk wherever I'm headed, and I won't have to worry whether my wife is simply 'annoyed at the inconvenience' or 'desperate enough to eat me'.

There's a very fine line there, but the distinction is sort of important. Particularly if you're looking forward to making it home, rather than being served with mustard relish and a side salad. Better to abandon the car and keep a few emergency granola bars handy, just in case.

Permalink | Comments (2)

, ,


Lesson time, start the car and make sure you can get out of the parking lot before you give up the key to the beer chalet:) Glad it was not as bad as it could have been..

Point taken, for certain.

Also, I learned that if you get out and try to push a car stuck in the snow, you'll wind up looking like a Jackson Pollock practice canvas.

So many lessons. So little time.

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved