Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« Putting the Squeeze On | Main | A Little Lightning Strike Never Killed Anybody... Much »

Just Think of the New 'Smilies' We'll Have

(Note: I apologize for my weekend absence. While I was 'away', I've moved all most random snippets of the site contents to a different server. If you're reading this, you've reached our new home, so there's nothing more to do but soak it up and enjoy. Hopefully, this will keep things around here rock-stable, highly available, and sunshine fresh. In other words, all the things I'm personally not, most of the time. Smashing.

Oh, and do let me know if you see anything wonkier than usual around here. I'm sure I've left some odd bits and loose ends hanging. Now let's get to the post.)

I've always been fascinated by people's propensity for metaphor, especially when it comes to feelings of happiness. It seems the preferred ways of expressing joy mostly rely on equating it to other sorts of good feelings. Thus, we can be 'high on life', 'drunk with love', or 'dizzy with excitement'. All of the giddy, exciting, potentially dangerous ways of feeling good have been incorporated into handy metaphors to tell others just how gosh-darned peachy we're feeling.

"Why, when we compare our euphoria to intoxication, narcotilation, and vertigositation, do we exclude the one 'natural high' that's left?"

All, except for one. Why, when we compare our euphoria to intoxication, narcotilation, and vertigositation, do we exclude the one 'natural high' that's left? The one that sends our hearts aflutter, our cheeks aflushed, and our lips atremble? It seems obvious to me that we need another metaphor for happiness, this time taking advantage of comparisons to the more carnal of instincts. It's time we were horny-style happy.

(As an aside, I do realize that 'lust for life' has been in circulation for a while, but it doesn't really fit the bill here. After all, 'lust for life' doesn't really connotate happiness, exactly.

Frankly, I'm not entirely clear on what it connotates. As far as I can tell, it should either be used to describe a reckless thrill-seeker, or someone who spends a lot of time with a hand down their pants.

Not that someone couldn't qualify on both counts, of course. Hugh Hefner comes to mind -- though, in his defense, it's probably most often someone else's hand. 'Lust for life', indeed.)

I've decided to take it upon myself to work a 'horny' metaphor for happiness into common usage. As a matter of fact, I've already started a guerrilla campaign. Whenever it's seemed appropriate in the past few days to express my pleasure, I've done so in a decidedly 'horny' way. I think the results speak for themselves:

An old friend from school called unexpectedly last week; I hadn't seen or heard from him in years. So I made sure to impress that I was 'downright horny to hear from you'. Soon after that, he suddenly had to go; he said his cat had unexpectedly caught on fire. I sure hope he calls back. And I hope the cat's okay, too.

At my employee review a few days ago, the boss told me that not only wouldn't I be summarily escorted from the building soon, I might even get a raise. I told her I was 'hornied pink to hear that'. She's started locking her office door when we both stay late now.

After a long grueling Monday, my wife and I were relaxing earlier tonight on the couch. It was such a relief to be resting in the comfort of my own living room, I felt compelled to remark how 'nice and horny it feels to take a load off'. She's in the bedroom now, sleeping in three sweatsuits and with one eye open.

So the first wave of 'horny-phors' hasn't worked out so well. But it's going to happen. Those other ways of saying 'happy' are tired, worn out, and overused. We'll feel so much better with a fresh new metaphor to help us out. We'll be as horny as clams in no time. You'll see.

Permalink | Comments (2)

, , ,


LMAO! iced coffee almost came out my nose!

There's "orgasmic" but it almost always has to do with food. I say we should be orgasmic if we get to go home 15 minutes early.

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved