Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« There's No Bodies Like Show Bodies | Main | Not the 'San Francisco Treat', Exactly »

The Four-Hour Election

I'm confused.

Here I am, sitting in my house in the shadow of Boston, in the hub of New England, a region that has revolved around elections and politics and politicians for hundreds of years. And tonight is, apparently, one of the more important and hotly debated election nights in recent memory, with the balance of power in the American Congress hanging in the balance.

So why is it, then, that when the local FOX station had ten seconds to slip in a teaser spot for the important headlines of the day, did they go with:

'News flash! K-Fed and Britney on the outs! Juicy details at eleven!'

Now, don't get me wrong. Personally, I'm just about exactly as concerned about the House of Representatives race in the 7th District in Indiana as I am about which skinny mullet-topped jackass is diddling Britney Spears this week. In other words, not concerned at all.

"Personally, I'm just about exactly as concerned about the House of Representatives race in the 7th District in Indiana as I am about which skinny mullet-topped jackass is diddling Britney Spears this week."

But from just a novelty standpoint, don't you have to lead with the political news? Major elections only roll around once every two years; between Spears and Federline, they ought to be good for a divorce once every two months, when they get their feet back under them. Just give them time.

Maybe it was my choice of program at the time -- I was watching the Simpsons, and maybe the target demographic for that show is more likely to follow pop star gyrations than political posturing. Me, I'm a big Simpsons fan, and I've got little interest in either sort of dance. Then again, I can barely tie my own shoes, so maybe I'm not the best person to judge by.

And in the interest of 'full disclosure', I'll admit that I do watch the coverage on election nights. Politics is not my bag, by any means, but it does make pretty good theater for four hours or so, every two years. Or better yet, a good circus. Between the wagging chins, the spinning pundits, and the huffing partisans, all that's missing is a bag of peanuts and a steaming pile of elephant shit to make you think you're under the big top.

Notice I didn't say we were missing the clowns. In the political arena, we're never missing the clowns.

So I'll play along. I'll pop a bag of microwave popcorn, curl up on the couch, and spend my four hours watching the experts wax poetic about turning points and majority rules and projected victories with only a fraction of the precincts reporting. Maybe I'll even turn it into a drinking game -- every time some yobbo invokes the mantra of 'the voters have spoken', I'll take a sip of beer. A couple of hours in, I should be incapable of making the distinction between 'all of the voters' and 'at least fifty-one percent of the voters', just like the politicos. I guess that's one way to get my vote rocked -- but I am not looking forward to the hangover.

Permalink | Comments (0)

, ,

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved