Original humor & comedy articles daily weblog

Can I Quote You on That?

This entry has two purposes.

First, I want to continue my theme of 'feature updates in absentia' during my vacation week, and point your attention to the new material lovingly added to the Simpsons Quotes Page. Last week, I added over 150 quotes from more than 25 episodes to the ever-growing stack of ass-kissing and vitriol.

(Okay, so it was 152 quotes, and exactly 26 episodes. That's still 'over' 150 and 25. Just not far over. I never promised you actual effort, dig?)

"With almost 600 quotes and 127 episodes represented, it's like your own private animated sass-talking extravaganza."

For you new kids, the Simpsons quotes are my version of book-jacket endorsements. Nobody famous is likely to say nice things about me -- or to say mean and nasty things, for that matter -- so I've taken it upon myself to pretend that the Simpsons are talking about me. Or to me. Or making snide comments behind my back. You get a fresh quote every time you visit or reload a page, or you can see them all at once on the Simpsons Quotes Page. With almost 600 quotes and 127 episodes represented, it's like your own private animated sass-talking extravaganza. Good stuff.

However, I've found -- much to my shock and amazement -- that occasionally a real person will say nice things about the site. And the second point of this post is to share the nicest -- or at least, my favorite -- with you.

It seems there's a kind and fun-loving young chica with a MySpace page who enjoyed my description of a man's unfortunate haircut. She was kind enough to share the tale with her friends, with an attribution and a link back here, which is just peachy with me. Glad to brighten a few days, if I can.

The real treat for me, though, lay in the comments on the site, where I found a claim I've never heard claimed before -- particularly not claimed in my direction:

'i want to have babies with his writing.'

I'm not sure quite what to say to that, so I'll simply say, 'thank you'. Also, let me assure you: if I ever write an actual book, and that book has a jacket, and that jacket needs quotes of any kind, the quote above will be the first one on the cover. Hell, it might even be the book title. That'd save a lot of time, too.

(For the record, my writing says it's flattered, but it really wouldn't make a good father. It's irresponsible, can't hold down a decent job, and every third word out of its mouth is filth. Also, it won't give up its seat to elderly ladies on the bus, and sometimes I catch it humping the fire hydrant on the corner.

Oh, super. I just realized my writing is the literary equivalent of Tom Arnold. That's gonna leave a mark.)

Anyway, thanks for the kind words. If ever again I spot someone with a haircut worse than mine, I'll be sure to work it into a post. It's not damned likely, unfortunately, but I'll be on the lookout.

Hey, if that's what it takes to fill up a book jacket, I'll dance for my quotes. Pride? What pride?