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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA
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Okay, here's one for the sports nuts among us. (Joe, you should like this one.)
I was in the shower a little while ago, and I had a thought.
(No, the shower isn't the 'sports' part, all right? Maybe I do some sort of calisthenics in there, and maybe I don't. That's for me to know, and you to take pictures of if I ever run for public office.
And I don't want to hear a word about 'water sports'. That's either a horrible pun or really gross. And if you're not sure which, ask somebody. It's probably both.)
All right, where the hell was I? Oh, my sports thought. Right.
So, I wondered, for reasons not completely clear to me, whether I could make a list of my ten most favorite sports teams, college and pro, in order of preference. That is, the ten teams (or people, I suppose, if we're talking tennis, golf, or some other individual-type activity) that I cheer for the hardest, live and die with in every game, and would skip a free kegger to watch. Maybe even a clothes-optional free kegger. (Now that's love, people.)
I haven't tried to put that list together yet -- ten teams is a lot, and ranking them is going to be tough after the first couple, I'm thinking. I'm thinking about it right now, with the three neurons I'm not using while writing this sentence.
(Bow before my multitasking prowess, mere mortals!
*gasp* *sputter*
Oh. Oops, shit. Forgot to breathe. Never mind. Poopstain!)
Anyway, before setting my list in stone, I thought I'd raise the stakes a bit -- while I'm at it, I'll also make a list of my least favorite teams from the world of sports, from the vilest, cheatingest bunch of bastards down to the... well, the slightly less vile, only sometimes cheating bunch of bastards in tenth place. Somehow, I think it'll be easier to find ten teams I loathe than ten teams I love. I'm sure that says something unpleasant about the way I live my life.
But no matter! The time for listmaking has come -- behold, my lists of The Very Best That Sports Has to Offer and Hey, Hasn't Anybody Indicted These Assholes Yet? Behold, I say:
| The Best | The Worst | ||
| #1 | Syracuse University hoops Since 1986 | New York Yankees Nemesis of both my baseball teams | |
| #2 | Atlanta Braves TBS was a childhood godsend | Duke University hoops Sure, it's jealousy -- I don't care | |
| #3 | Boston Red Sox Fenway Park will do that to you | Indiana University hoops Since 1986, plus Bobby Knight | |
| #4 | Syracuse University football Long live the Big East | Dallas Cowboys 'Michael Irvin, poster child' says it all | |
| #5 | Pittsburgh Steelers I spent seven years there -- it was inevitable | Auburn University football Three words -- Pat 'Tie' Dye | |
| #6 | New England Patriots I'm not bandwagoning -- I live here, dammit! | University of Kentucky hoops Suffered their fans for four years of college | |
| #7 | Marhall University football It's a 'family geography' thing, okay? | New York Mets It's almost sad... but I still hate 'em | |
| #8 | Pittsburgh Penguins I'm telling you; there was something in the water there | San Francisco 49ers Mainly historical, but TO keeps the fire burning | |
| #9 | Atlanta Hawks I came for 'Nique; I stayed for... um, yeah. Next! | Penn State University football I went to Pitt for grad school. Nuff said. | |
| #10 | University of Pittsburgh hoops They can come in second in the NCAAs any time | Detroit Pistons Holdover from the Laimbeer era -- hey, I ran out, okay? |
(Go 'Cuse!)
I don't watch sports enough to come anywhere close to a Top 10 best OR worst. I am, however, from Lexington, KY, and I am the self-crowned U of K anti-fan. I can't stand UK, or much of anything about it. They are, in fact, the "most likely to get NCAA penalties" and prove it every 10 years like clockwork. Good to see they made your list.
best:
1) pittsburgh steelers
2) san francisco 49ers
3) san francisco giants
4) san jose sharks
5) pittsburgh penguins
6) oakland As
7) chico heat
sacramento kings
9) los angeles lakers
10) washington capitals
worst:
1) new york yankees
2) denver broncos
3) oakland raiders
4) dallas cowboys
5) washington redskins
6) detroit redwings
7) anybody playing against the steelers
that's all i can think of that i hate. sorry, i'm not really a hateful kind of person ... you scumhawk!
I don't think I can come up with 10 for both lists:
BEST
1. Florida State football (kind-of a love-hate relationship right now)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. FSU basketball
4. San Antonio Spurs
5. Boston Red Sox
6. NY/NJ Metrostars (Oooo, soccer)
7. Tennessee Titans
8. New England Patriots (for a friend)
WORST
1. Univ. of Miami football (the Hurri-gangstas)
2. Miami Dolphins (really, all other things Miami tie for #2)
3. NY Yankees
4. Notre Dame (not as fun to hate as in the past)
5. San Francisco 49ers (or, alternately, wherever Terrell Owens plays)
6. NASCAR, period.
7. the Williams sisters (tennis . . . tired act)
8. Tiger Woods (just to be contrary)
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My list is up so this question will remain until you visit to see the list...Did Nascar make the Favorites or The Programs That I Want To Get In A Bus Accident?
(You know the Cowboys are the NFL equivalent of the Atlanta Braves...you know, shoved down the throat of national audiences as "America's Team")